exactly...what African?

Quick note on the LDL.
There have been times when I can’t quite fathom how I got here. It’s as if I’ve gotten punch drunk but some how still managed to get the big flashy belt. I wonder if they make special boxer-jeans with belt loops big enough so that you can wear that belt around. Gallagher or Carrot Top probably have a few pairs.
When I was a kid, and to this day, if I am being honest with myself, when going over bridges I always have the urge to throw my most valuable possession into the water. Some times I get the same feeling when I am with him (no I don’t necessarily want to throw him off a bridge…though I did pay an awful lot for him).

I have stayed up all night sifting through freshmen and sophomore year blogs , both mine and Miriam’s trying to get a sense of time, why Nick and not Greg? Etc. I learned a few things:
1. I was completely in lust with Alec for months and months…how did I forget that whole period of my life? Also it spawned some of the worst poetry to come out of my head. Alec, though we have both seen each other at our worst/meanest/cruelest, is truly an amazing friend and one of my favorite people in the entire world.
2. It was shitty of me to get involved with Ciaran that soon after he and Lizzie broke up (even though she seemed okay w/ it at the time…), I don’t think she has forgiven me for it or ever will, and who is say she is wrong? Certainly not me. Maybe it makes the triangle of men-sharing (Miriam, Me and Lizzie) stronger some how, if I want to be optimistic about it.
3. It was also shitty of me to be upset with Miriam about hooking up with Shane, but the thing was I was more pissed at Shane, well even more so just the situation itself. Also ROFL for that whole month.
4. Its amazing I made it out of freshmen year alive and with a decent GPA with all the drinking/partying/sexytimedrama.
5. Its also amazing how many times I backslided & got involved with Prof. L’Oreal... Though there were a few more incredible anecdotes about the situation which I had forgotten, but are worth telling over and over again.
6. Remember how there were at least 3 or 4 friends whose redic. Hookups I had forgotten…and also whole people. Who the EFF is Brian from freshmen year???
7. I had forgotten how fully involved Greg was in Miriam’s life from the middle-end of first semester freshmen year….onward. I can’t apologize for any damage I did to that relationship. In a way I am really glad to not be on campus next year, in hopes that that may rectify the situation. He is a really important person to many people.
8. Reading transcripts of Miriam/Greg’s really funny convos and also accounts of how he helped basically everyone in Dorch and even our brief path crossing at some of the highest drama moments….all made me love him deeper.
9. Also, in relation to this, I never threw the love word around lightly, but I did say that “I liked __________ a whole lot” ….quite a bit. I am /was such a waif.
11. I wish I had been a better friend to basically everyone Freshmen/Sophomore year. I wish I still talked to Laura/Lizzie/Kate/Ciaran. I wish I talked to Miriam more because she really is amazing in every way, all the way back to freshmen year when I stared as “the neighbor” in that wacky sitcom/comidrama of her life. We know a lot about each other, and for some reason she still manages to like me…I hope.
12. “People Come (Cum) and Go So Quickly Here”. – St.Mary’s forever.
13. I wish I had more time with Gregor on St.Mary’s campus or could spend another night staying up all night with him…there’s so much I want for him and for us.
14 MOST IMPORTANTLY: I AM A CRAPPY JOURNAL-er and hardly ever write anything worth remembering and/or hardly ever write in general. So I should probably either work on this issue or I should just stop all together…

It has been about 4 hours since I last talked to anyone. LDL (aka Greg) had an amazing revelation yesterday concerning Hinduism/connected-ness; I really can’t do it any justice by trying to describe it here. Listening to him talk about it I was SOOO happy for him/proud of him, it’s as if he’s happier now than he ever has been and it’s because of some knowledge gained. He is much more cynical then I am about most things, but really if I am honest with myself I like that about him (John and Paul making music groundbreaking music together? but I don’t want to be the Walrus), but this is almost like a healthy dose of something sort of like optimism. I really can’t wait to see where this leads him. I also would like to state for the record that I think it is just too funny that it has happened only a short period of time after reading The Razor’s Edge. I know it has nothing to do with the issue…its just sort of funny/apt.

I have been in fact been obsessing about this chaos theory/quantum theory-esque idea of connected-ness for the past few weeks. I am jealous that Gregor seems to have found his answer; I am still, perhaps permanently waiting to form a solid opinion. Gemini season is over, so maybe I will come up with some concrete stuff v. soon. Watching the movie Ghandi seemed to help…as horrible as that sounds. I CAN’T wait to talk to Miriam about her trip to India. I am sure Greg and I will both grill her separately. Good Cop/Bad Cop…I guess I could go either way, I am just in it for the doughnuts (in this case the doughnuts are a metaphor for knowledge of about India/Hinduism etc.)

In other news today I enjoyed the most amazing evening walk/alone time to/in Ellicott City. I thought about everything past and future, nothing new really came to light, just that I was really happy, which is perhaps the most important thing to realize, one could spend all their time being happy and not knowing it, what a waste. I ate a bagel with salmon cream cheese with red peppers on top from Bean Hollow for dinz, it was all that I expected and more. Then I just sort of pretended to read my textbook/study and then went to get some dessert from the Rumor Mill, the new restraunt where Side Streets used to be. Its actually one of the best dining experiences I have ever had, and it wasn’t just that the Crème’ Brulee was really really mind blowingly good, it was also the very friendly and excitable waitstaff. I def. think it’s the best Asian-fusion restraunt I’ve been to. Next time Saki bombs and giant piles of sushi. Eating alone, really is quite nice. I plan on going to see La Vie en Rose by myself some time later this week. Apparently, its breathtaking.

Wow this is a giant entry and I haven’t even recapped the past few weeks (including my Cleveland trip which was really great). More later. If you can handle it.